Harry Potter and The Flying tooth
by foppet1
Summary: What happens if Harry actualy kills Voldemort in his fifth year? And with...... rubber chickens? And what of a living Phantom plushy? You have to read to find out


Summery- what happens when Harry actualy kills Voldemort in his Fifth year and with... a rubber chicken? And what of a living Phantom plushy? read to find out

Hey there, now remember, this is my first fic ever, so i'm sorry if it sucks. Anyway, in this James has a sister named Paige. Kim as you will find out, has no family and is there for no apparent reason. I wrote this a while ago so please, I'm sorry if you don't like it. Warning- this is intended to bash each character and I cannot spell worth a crap! so i am sorry. Also, I automaticaly use the names Paige and Kim befor you even are introduced to them. Let me remind you that I wrote this just after the fifth book and I was thirteen and in a very giddy mood, so I am sorry.

Disclaimer- The Harry Potter characters are not of my creating. Maddam Gary, Paige, Phuzzy (pronounced like Fuzzy) and Kim, however, are. And neither is Jack Sparrow, I just threw him in. :D

Harry Potter and the Flying Tooth

Harry and Voldamort battled each other with... rubber chickins!

Ron was watching the fight with Hermione, Ginny and Luna, who were eating popcorn." Left! right! no your other right!" Ron snapped at Harry. Hermione slapped him in the backof the head and snapped, "shut up stupid ! can't you see Harry's busy battling to the death with Lord Moldy Butt!"

Luna turned to Ginny "I hate bugs!" she said in a deathly tone. "Good for you" Ginny nodded, a little bit freaked out by the crazy girl next to her.

Harry was busy slapping Voldamort with his own chickin and yelling, "stop hitting yourself! stop hitting your self! stop hitting yourself!" repetedly at him."Let go of my chickin ! That's not fair! You cheated!" Voldemort complained

Jack Sparrow enters the room and yelled, "PIRATE!". Ginny, Luna, and Hermione all slapped him and turned back to the fight. Jack rubbed his cheek and muttered, "don't know if I deaerved those ones" before leaving.

Harry now had both chickins and was busy slapping Voldemort and yelling "WHO'S GOT THE CHICKINS NOW! HUH! HUH?". Harry slaps Voldamort with both chickins at once and knocked him into the vile.

Harry began doing the Hammer dance and singing "uh uh uh uh oh! uh oh! It's Harry time! uh uh uh oh!". Every one started dancing with Harry and singing the same thing.

Harry suddenly dropped to his knees and screamed out in a sad yell, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! SIRIUSSSSSSS!"

There was a loud bang and an explosion of what seemed to be teeth.

One hit Harry in the forehead. A loud burp rang out and a girl's voice yelled, "you're nasty!". Another girl's voice answered, "It wasnt me...uhhh it was James..uhh yep!" a slap is heard, "WHY DID YOU BURP! PIG!" An oddly firmiliar boy's voice answered, "It wasn't me!" The first voice groaned, "Uhhh God, now it smells Paige, for god sakes STOP BURPING!"

The girl called Paige's voice spoke again, "it wasn...fine burp sorry"

Harry's belly gave a lurch when he heard the name James.Maybe it waas becaouse he didn't eat all day. Whatever.

There was an anticapated silence... then... burp

Suddenly a loud, extreamly scary sounding voice yelled out "HHHHHOOOOOTTTTT DOG!" and a tooth came shooting out of the explosion hitting Harry once again in the head. The other voices groaned. "Shut up, Maddam Bary".

Madam Bary took that as an invitation to scream out, "HEY LETS ALL SING BANJO TUNES!"

The group of people came rushing out of the corner. Harry knew right away who they where. Reconising them from the photo of him parents wedding. Every one was there. A young Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lilly (now) Evans, James Potter and three others he never met, but was in the picture. They were all wearing wizerding robes.

Flash back to picture- James & lilly in frount, Sirius and Remus by james side, the two girls by lilly and one creepy woman in the back who was holding a shot gun and sending off shoots in the air, in the background a pigeon fell from the sky.HEY END FLASH PICCY THINGY!

Another stunned silence...BURP!

A girl with long black hair began choking paige as small burps excaped from her.

Sirius and Remus had a hard time dragging her off of poor burping Paige.

"Let her go, Kim" Sirius grunted, finaly freeing Paige from the girl's grip. "Let me go!" Kim yelled, trying to get at her target, "I'm gonna kill her!". Remus helped Paige up as Sirius restrained the fighting girl in his arms.

Maddam Bary began singing, "WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET A LONG NECK AND MAKE A TOST TO PEACE AND HARMONY!"

Kim struggled some more, glarring at Paige. "Because idiots like Paige won't stop burping!" she snarled.

Harry held up his chickin threateningly at Piage, Kim and Maddam Bary. "Who are you, you and you?" he demanded. Maddam Bary walked toward them. "I'm Maddam Bary and these two stupid girls are Paige Potter and Kim- uh - I don't think she has a last name" she finished. Harry shook the chickin again.

Maddam Bary knocked it away. "BOY!STOP SHAKIN' THAT CHICKIN AND TELL US WHY YOU LOOK LIKE JAMES!"

James swaggered forward. He held his chin while he looked Harry from head to foot."You _are_ just about as good looking as me. Just, you have diffrent eyes" he commented with a grin.

Harry had to think quick."Uuhhh...I'm a...distant cousin! Yeah a distant cousin!".

Paige jumped up and down excitedly, practicaly yelling, "HAHA! Then were your distant...OTHER cousins!" before jumping on him.

Sirius and Remus sighed and pulled Paige off of him. "Paige" Remus sighed as he and Sirius pryed her off of Harry, "could you please stop doing that?".

Kim seemed to be off in her own world, "Hey," she whined, looking at a Phantom plushy that was now sitting on her shoulder, flicking her ear. "We don't have any distant cousins, its just you and me Phuzzy".

Phuzzy looked up at Kim's face. "Hey I _have_ a family" he says and jumps down and walks off toward the door. A plastic doll came from out of nowhere, ansd trys to hug Phuzzy, and yelping, "PHUZZY! PHUZZY! PHUZZY!"

Phuzzy quickly ran back to Kim and climbed back onto her shoulder. "I change my mind" he told her, matter-of-factly, "I have no family".

Kim hugged him close and squealed. "Now we can both be lonely!"

Sirius put a hand on James' shoulder. "Lets go Prongs, before any more new reltieves start showing up" he said, shuddering.Ron looked around. "How do we get out of here?" he mused.

DUM DUM DDDDDUUUUUMMMMM!

Hermine scoffed, "well of course Ronald..."

Kim leaned over to Sirius and whispered, "He's named after a Mc.Donalds!hehe".

"We go though the wall" Hermione finished and ran full speed at the wall.

CRASH

Hermione lay sprawled out on the floor with a huge bump on her forehead. "Ouch" she groaned, climbing to her feet.Paige spoke up. "Or we could go though the door" she pointed out, gesturing to the door. Hermione huffed but said nothing.

Kim went over and patted Paige on the head. "GOOD JOD Paige! thats a good girl! whos a good girl!"Paige looked annoyed at Kim, who just ignored it, while James trys to open the door. "Umm its...broke" he announced. Paige ran over and pushed James out of her way. "YOU BROKE IT, YOU MORON! SHOVE OVER!" she yelled and tryed to open the door. Remus came forward, "well?". Paige glarred over at her brother, "ask him! he's the one who broke it!". Lily, speaking for the first time, jumped on James and started strangeling him, screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU BROKE IT! YOU BROKE IT! I SHOULD PEE IN YOUR POOL!". Remus came over and shoved some chocolate into her mouth. "There" he smiled as Lily let go of James, "all better?". Lily chewed the chocolate and nodded calmly.

They all try to open the door but it wouldn't budge.

There was silience until Phuzzy jumped down and marched to the door. "Did you ever acure to you to turn the handel the OTHER way?" he demanded, jumping, somehow, onto the handle and looking their way. They all look at eachother and shrugged. "I didn't think so" Phuzzy opened the door and jumped back down, "you are all stupid", he adds in a dry tone.They leave the room

They keep walking until...

Paige began jumping up and down, yelping, "I gotta go! I gotta go!". Remus looked at her as if she were crazy. "Personal Potty Buisness!" Paige whined. James put his hands up diffensivly, "too much information, sis". Kim looked around wildly, Harry thought she looked like a madwoman, "we gotta find a Potty room!"Sirius also began jumping up and down. " I gotta go too!" he whined.

End Chappy

Will Paige and Sirius ever find a Potty room? Find out in the next chapter if you want to know.By the way, Phuzzy is just a living Plushy that Kim charmed to talk to her because Paige is such lousy company. And Raoul dolly is basicaly a Ken doll that looks like Raoul. Anyway, please R/R. If you didn't like it, then just tell me, if you did then you tell me, too. Thanks for reading


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